Edward's Struggle
by VixenOnFire
Summary: Follow Edward's journey as the Cullens leave Forks, and he leaves behind the only woman he has ever loved.  My version in Edward's POV from New Moon.
1. Chapter 1

**NEW MOON - EDWARD'S STRUGGLE**

_This is Edward's point of view from the time he left Bella in New Moon, until the time they reunited in Italy. All characters are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended_. _Please ask permission before copying or redistributing this story as it is an original work of the author._

**CHAPTER ONE: MY DECISION IS FINAL**

"Edward, NO."

Rosalie's words were loud, and final. She wasn't happy about my decision, but I was used the narcissistic dribble that poured from her mind on a daily basis. Truthfully, she really wasn't that bad, but I still attempted to avoid her as often as I could.

"This is not up for negotiation." I reminded her. I could see the anger growing in her darkened eyes.

It was pointless to argue with Rosalie when she'd been abstaining from feeding. Her anger always had a tendency to shine through. I was surprised to see how Emmett catered to her still. There were times when his thoughts were less than pleasant, but it was a rarity for him to actually express a contradicting opinion to his otherwise flawless wife. They seemed to have an arrangement of sorts. Neither would speak against the other. They had a mutual respect of opinion, but I could still hear Rosalie's disgruntled thoughts as Emmett left the room to begin packing up their belongings.

"This is not fair." She hissed. "Why do we have to leave just because of _Bella_?"

Bella's name rolled off of her tongue like a disease. Like she was some sort of parasite infecting our family. A low growl slithered its way through my now clenched jaw, and I took a step forward into her personal space. She held her ground but glanced to Carlisle, spouting silent warnings in her mind that she wouldn't hesitate to attack if Carlisle did not intervene.

My eyes remained fixed on Rosalie as Carlisle's soft voice echoed from behind me. "We have to think of what is right for both Bella and Edward. She is a human, and if Edward believes us to be a threat to her, we must move on."

Rosalie snapped. "I'm sick of moving, and I'm sick of you treating Edward like a god damn prodigal son!"

"We would do the same for you Rosalie." Carlisle answered. There was no trace of anger or frustration in his words, but his mind was filled with concern for myself, and what this move meant for our family.

"I've never forced us to move _anywhere,_ Carlisle. Not since I was a newborn."

"No, But Emmett has." I growled. "And you didn't even think TWICE about moving for _him_."

"This is not about EMMETT!" She hissed in return, but I could tell that she was wavering in her resolve. Everything in her mind was unstable, so it was hard to focus on how she truly felt. Especially when Jasper fluttered to her side, and laced her with a veil of calm that just seemed to irritate her even more.

"Knock it off, Jasper." She shrugged him away from her.

Jasper nodded but his mind remained focused on maintaining some sort of normalcy in the house. He was already trying too hard to suppress Esme's worry over my struggles with leaving Forks, but I was grateful for once that he was in agreement about this move. Of course, I knew his reasons. He was feeling guilty over his almost fatal attack upon Bella. The constant wordless apologies have been deafening. He would do anything to try and make amends, even though it wasn't really his fault. It was mine. I was the reason that Bella's life was in danger. If I had left her be, none of this would have ever happened.

"We're all leaving. It's what's best for Bella." I repeated.

"And what about what's best for us? Did you even think about that, or are you too infatuated with this human?"

Rosalie's words sliced through the chilled air, and she continued to send messages of disdain silently through the open space. Carlisle held up his hand to subsequently end the conversation, but she was no longer paying attention to his warnings.

"I can't believe you are actually going along with this. What about the hospital, our school, our home? Carlisle…" The anger in Rosalie's voice became the only emotion in the room for a brief moment, despite Jasper's attempts to control her. "You are choosing a HUMAN over your own FAMILY!"

Carlisle never faltered. His expression remained as placid as ever. "We have always done what is best for our family. If we stay here, we are putting a human in jeopardy, and risking exposure."

Rosalie snorted. "I think the cat is pretty much out of the bag at this point."

"That may be true, Rosalie." Carlisle sighed. "But the fact remains that Edward feels we are a danger to her well being. If the Volturi were to discover that a human was aware of our existence, they would not hesitate to end her life."

"And what's wrong with that? It should have been done the moment she waltzed into our lives." Rosalie snapped back.

That did it.

Although I knew that she didn't truly wish for Bella's death, her poisonous words were something I could not ignore, and I found my body moving forward, directly hurling myself into Rosalie. She hissed and snarled, cracking me across the cheek with her stone hand as we both flew backwards into Esme's empty bookcase. The old wood splintered and shattered under the weight of our fall, sending slivers of wood splattering off the bare, white walls of the living room.

"How DARE you!" I spat through my teeth.

It was easy to out maneuver Rosalie. Her thoughts always mirrored her actions. I weaved my chalky hands through her hair and pinned her against the hardwood floor, snarling uncontrollably through my teeth as I allowed my anger to consume me.

"ENOUGH!" Esme shouted from the base of the stairs. Her eyes were livid, and I instantly withdrew my hold upon Rosalie. Esme was rarely angry, so seeing her eyes blazing with a mixture of fury and concern, was something that I just wasn't used to. She retreated back up the stairs as soon as my gaze met hers. She was worried. Her mind was a jumbled mess of sadness, and disappointment in our behavior though she'd never speak that out loud, not unless it was devastatingly necessary. She was far too compassionate to ever allow her emotions to get the better of her. It was something I had always admired about Esme, my mother. She loved us unconditionally.

Rosalie was on her feet without another word, turning on her heels and marching off to her room in a huff. She hated losing a fight. Rosalie hated losing anything, but she would not go against Esme. The last thought she ushered my way before slamming her bedroom door sent a shiver through my body. _You'll regret this._

In truth, I already did.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO: AND SO IT BEGINS**

It had been harder than I thought it would be to see the house empty of all our possessions, but it was even harder still to say goodbye to Bella. I'd been so strong in my determination to leave her for her own well being that I hadn't thought of much else. I'd done all I could to avoid her, wallowing in the pain that her absence brought. I thought that it would prepare me for the solitary life I had chosen, but the moment her scent had crossed my path, I was filled the most sickening taste of regret.

My words had tumbled out like a piercing torrent of lies, stabbing her in all the places I knew she was vulnerable. I'd watched as she realized my intentions,. I'd seen the heartbreaking way her spirit seemed to shatter the moment she understood that I no longer wanted her.

_But I do want you Bella… I love you….I've always loved you…_

I'd had to force myself to stop thinking the words, to push them from my mind so I could stay focused on letting her go. I couldn't read her eyes. There was no expression within them, and for the millionth time I wished that her mind was not a mystery to me. But it was, and there was no way I could possibly know what she was thinking. So with a kiss of her forehead, and a last request for her to remain safe, I fled the scene.

My eyes burned with such a force that I thought for a moment I was actually about to cry. Although tears could never fall, the pain that the dry sobs induced was more than I had anticipated. I'd run all the way to Canada before I collapsed to my knees and buried myself in the earth. My hands clawed through the moss and debris causing a massive hole to erupt beneath me, and I sank into what sanity I had left. But I could not extinguish the pain. There would always be pain now. Bella's absence made that a certainty.

There was no air without her. I couldn't breathe. It was as if I was suffocating from the inside out. I grasped at my chest, not even paying attention to the way my chiseled fingernails shredded the grey fabric of my Armani t-shirt. The cloth flew from my body, scattering around the tomb I'd created for myself. I couldn't tell where I ended and where the damp ground began. I had no sense of time, no indication of whether it was night or day. My eyes saw nothing. Nothing but the horrific image of Bella's face as she believed the lie.

An agonizing howl erupted from my chest, and the earth opened itself up to me once more. Deeper and deeper I sank into the muddied debris of this forest wasteland, wanting to submerge myself and be forgotten to the world. I didn't want to be remembered as the monster, as the man who put an innocent life at risk for his own selfish needs. For one hundred years, my heart had laid dormant, but Bella had awoken something in me, and that something was desperately searching for a focus now that I had alienated her from my life. I only wanted to protect from all the suffering that my world had to offer. There was nothing that I could give to her besides death, and I couldn't live in a world where Bella did not exist. This was the only way to allow her a chance at a happy, normal, _human_ life.

Rosalie's last words echoed in my mind, _You'll regret this_. But how could I regret something that saved Bella's life? If I continued to remain at her side, she would have eventually wasted away, never finding another to love, never experiencing the joys of a family. She would grow old, I would remain young, and although my love for her would never fade, I knew that she would want more. She would want to be as I was. A monster. A creature that should not exist. I would not damn her soul. She'd already experienced too many hardships in such a short time. James, Victoria, Jasper… they were all a danger to her. _I_ was a danger to her. I'd done all I could to prevent myself from killing her with my own two hands. I'd mustered up the strength to suppress those desires. I'd conquered the blood lust, but I could not conquer my heart. It still ached for Bella's touch, her smile, her warmth, her scent. I could never allow Bella to be in harms way again.

That's when it struck me. A realization so intense that it shook me through to my very core, and I found myself uprooted from the dark grave I'd sculpted. I had to protect her. There were still forces out there that knew of her existence. They knew that she and I had been bound to one another at some point, and I had no doubts that they would try to exact revenge for my killing of James. I'd heard it in their minds, Laurent and Victoria. Laurent held no allegiance to James, but even he understood that if any harm were to befall James, Victoria would not hesitate to return the favor. Laurent had since moved on from the area, but Victoria had not gone with him. At least not that I could sense. Esme and Rosalie had followed her south, along the borders of Washington state, losing her somewhere in the mountains where her scent simply faded away. Without Victoria's presence in Forks, Bella was safe for the time being. I had to ensure that it stayed that way.

"If you're going to sulk, can you do it elsewhere?" Alice sighed as she entered the house from the lake.

Her voice broke my revelry, and I looked up with a sardonic grin. She met my gaze for a fraction of a second before settling against the love seat with the newest addition of vogue magazine. It was back to the normal routine again, but it was for appearance sake only. Esme had chosen the perfect spot for our relocation. Ithaca was just as captivating as Forks, and Carlisle seemed to be quite happy here. He was teaching night classes at Cornell University, and even Jasper had taken interest in furthering his education there. Esme was busy working with a local historical society to restore seventeenth century homes to their rightful glory. Emmett and Rosalie had decided to travel to Europe for a few months after our little incident, and although Esme was not pleased about their departure, she was going to like it even less when I told her I was leaving as well.

"I don't know what you're so chipper about, Edward." Alice's mocking tone was just as distinct as her thoughts. She wasn't all too happy with the move either. "Wouldn't you like to know the damage you've inflicted?"

I rose from my chair without a word, instantly hovering over her tiny form. She never flinched. "We talked about this, Alice. Do NOT interfere with Bella's life."

She smiled, and rather than responding out loud, she continued our conversation privately. _I can't help what I see…._

I growled out in response to her thoughts. "Leave. Her. Alone."

Alice sighed, and placed the magazine in her lap, finally looking up at me. Her mind was torn between her friendship to Bella, and her loyalty to me.

"You promised, Alice." I whispered, pinching the bridge of my nose as a vision on Bella crying seeped into her mind. The vision was followed by another glimpse into the future. A passing landscape, a setting sun, everything running through her mind in short bursts of indecision and confusion.

I Couldn't do this. Not here, not with her. I had to be away from this place. Esme would understand, I knew she would. She only wanted what was best for me. And what was best for me now was to be away from Ithaca, away from my family, and away from the haunting reminder of what I had done to Bella.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE: THIRST FOR ANSWERS**

Alice had been right. She'd warned me this would happen, but I couldn't let her patronizing thoughts dissuade me from my purpose. Tracking Victoria was all I had left. It was the only thing keeping me from returning to Forks. Alice had insisted that I was being foolish, that sooner or later I would end up back in Bella's arms, and she was right. She was always right, even when she was wrong. That ideal was what led me to finally leave my family, to leave Bella. I would not allow her to end up as I was, as Alice's vision showed. I would not turn her into a vampire. I would not take her soul. I would not return to Forks as long as Victoria was on the run and capable of destroying the only woman I have ever loved.

I was doing this for Bella. It would always be for Bella.

Tracking Victoria had proven to be harder than anticipated. She was careful never to cross the same path twice, and I thought that my gift would allow me to follow her mind like a trail of moldy bread crumbs. I was wrong. Very, very wrong. I was able to only piece together a few incoherent thoughts before she disappeared somewhere over the grand canyon. So much for tracking.

My steps began to slow once I realized she was no longer in the area. I was surprised to discover how loud the human's thoughts around me had become now that my focus was lost.

_Thank God it's raining… maybe now Delores will let me watch the game…_

_Great, just great my dress is ruined….thanks a lot weather man…._

_Looks like it's about to storm… I'd better bring in the chairs…._

_Talk about a streak of bad luck… I just can't win…._

It was the last voice that caught my attention. I stared at the fragile looking human who stood underneath the front awning of Bernie's Pub and Grill. He was an odd looking fellow with bright red hair, and freckles that painted his cheeks in an awkward fashion. In his hands he held a bouquet of yellow roses, which looked like they were half dead already, much like myself. His brown eyes scanned the horizon, then darted down to his dollar store watch with sadness before glancing back up to the deserted parking lot. For a moment, the venom in my mouth began to pool at the thought of ending whatever plagued this human boy. I could hear his disgruntled thoughts quite clearly over the storm that had begun to swell around us.

_Why does this always happen to me. Am I some kind of freak? She promised me she'd be here. I've been waiting for two hours already. I spent everything I had on these flowers, and she stands me up. Nice._

The monster in me rejoiced at the sudden longing that surfaced once more. I hadn't had this feeling in quite some time. Not since I'd tasted Bella's blood. There was nothing more potent than that substance, but I couldn't help the urges that being on the run had stirred. Hunting had taken a back seat to my obsession, and it wasn't until now that the burn in my throat raged into something more than an aching need.

My mouth fell open as I inhaled the scent of this human boy. His blood was clean. There was no trace of drugs, or alcohol, no hint of even the slightest aspirin. All his thoughts were harnessed into a unified web-like pattern of despair. He'd failed his senior year in high school, and in his southern laced words, ' He was doomed to be repeatin' it'. I stifled a chuckle. He didn't have a clue about repetition. I'd been through high school more times than I cared to admit, but school was the least of his worries. He was an out of control teenager with the hormones of a two year old. He knew nothing of life, nothing of real tragedy. He was consumed with the trivial fact that the check out girl at Home Depot hadn't even spared him a glance when he'd asked for her phone number.

His mind shifted to that of his after school job, knowing deep down that was all his life would amount to if he didn't buckle down in school, and at this moment he had no intentions of buckling down. The girl that had finally said yes to him was all he could concentrate on, and she had this red headed boy in complete mental hysterics. I knew what it was like to be given a chance of hope, only to have that hope crushed before your very eyes. In a way, I could sympathize with the boy, but it couldn't stop the deep rooted urge to put him out of his misery. He was an innocent soul who was down on his luck, but I could help him with that.

The monster smiled as I moved from my concealed position behind the rusted out Ford in the parking lot, and stepped out into full view of the human. The rain bounced off my marble skin like tiny pieces of glass, and I saw his eyes widen in surprise at my sudden appearance.

"Whatcha standin' in the rain for mister?" He shouted in his familiar southern twang.

My eyes darted to the throbbing pulse that lay just under the rich, tan skin along his neck, the sight further fueling my aching desire to rid myself of my frustration. "A little rain never hurt anyone."

He tilted his head to side, surveying me with a mix of apprehension and bewilderment. I was used to the reaction. Something within him recognized I was dangerous.

"To each his own, I guess." He crossed his arms, allowing the flowers to dangle precariously from his fingertips.

"Waiting for someone?" I asked, noticing the way he shivered when I spoke.

"And if I am, how's that any of your business?"

My grin widened as I approach him. He never even noticed the speed in which I moved, not until I was practically breathing down his neck. His neck…..

_What the hell is this guys problem…._

I chuckled.

"What's so damn funny. Are you some kinda sicko or somethin'?" He started to back away.

_Where's the damn cops when you need them. I'm pretty sure I can take this guy though if I have to. What a freak!_

I took a loose hold of his arm, and as I anticipated, he jerked away immediately. I had expected the reaction so I allowed my hand to drop from his arm without causing any permanent damage minus the tear in his striped polo shirt. The monster was taunting me now, wanting to play with its meal before it had a taste. I could feel the vibration in the back pocket of my jeans, and I knew it would be Alice attempting to warn me about what was already in progress. I ignored it.

"HEY! HEY!" He started screaming, instantly jumping from underneath the awning, and falling head first into the parking lot. A brilliant flash of yellow fluttered against the stormy backdrop as the flowers skittered down to the soaked pavement next to his feet.

I was there without hesitation, dragging him by the collar around the back of the rundown building, out of eyesight, out of reach from any humans that could possibly overhear what was about to unfold. He kicked and screamed, and begged me to release him.

_Edward…stop…._

I heard her voice over this fragile human's cries for mercy. I would always hear her voice. It was something I would never forget, not even when I finally left this world for good. It was something that ceased any motion from my body, any thoughts of what I was about to do. I simply stared at the face before me in disbelief, and dropped the thrashing boy to the ground.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR: ON THE RUN**

So I was seeing things now, terrific. I had been out of my mind with hunger, that had to be it. After releasing that boy, I'd taken it upon myself to run as deep as I could into whatever pitiful excuse they had for a forest here. It wasn't really a forest at all, just a one mile stretch of barren wilderness with a few deer scattered here and there. Where was I now? How far had I traveled since seeing her face?

Curbing my appetite had been easy, but ridding myself of what I'd almost accomplished was another matter. How could I have been so careless as to even contemplate taking a human life? In one quick flash of anger, I'd almost unraveled everything Carlisle had instilled within me. Again. I would not revert back to my early days. I would not take a human life. I had to be more careful, hunt more frequently. This was definitely going to take some getting used to. And to add insult to injury, I'd also lost track of Victoria.

As far as I could fathom, she would continue to head south. I doubted that she would return to Forks, not if she believed my family still resided there. Victoria was stealthy. Her instinct to protect herself was greater than her desire for a fight. She would run as long as she had to. I'd read that in her mind the moment that James had taken an interest in Bella. She would never betray her mate, but she would use every resource available to shield herself from harm. I wondered if that notion still remained true for her now that he was dead.

Being out here in open view of the public again was starting to wear on my nerves. I knew that Victoria would never reveal herself so openly, but I needed to get my bearings, and check in with Esme and Carlisle. As much as I needed to focus, I'd made Esme a solid promise that I would keep in contact, and being secluded from civilization left much to be desired in the way of cell phone reception.

"Thank goodness." Esme sighed. I could hear the strain in her voice, and I hated causing her this much pain. "Are you alright? Where are you?"

I glanced down to the headline on the Texan newspaper receptacle that I found myself leaning against. I'd been gone for months, and hadn't even realized. "I'm in Houston, and yes Esme, I'm just fine."

Esme began to ramble off the mundane happenings of the family. Rosalie and Emmett were back, and they'd all decided to travel to Denali for Cornell's spring break. Esme and Carlisle were planning on separating from the family for just a few short days once they reached Denali, enjoying one of their frequent hunting trips together. I admired the strength of my parent's love. It was something that I always thought would be possible for me, though none could match the vast understanding and bond that Esme and Carlisle shared. They were timeless. They were solid. They loved unconditionally.

"I'm not coming back. Not for a while." I mumbled as Carlisle took the phone from his wife.

"I understand, Son. Are you taking care of yourself?" He asked, a slight trace of authority in his voice.

I just nodded and explained to him about my course of action, and where it would lead me. I could not bring myself to tell him of the human, or of the fact that I was seeing things. I did not want to disappoint Carlisle.

The call ended as quickly as it began, and I was off again, scanning the area for what I hoped would lead me to Victoria. I was completely lost. There was nothing around me that seemed familiar at all. There were no traces of Victoria anywhere, though there were plenty of signs of other nomad activity in the area. I knew from Jasper's past that I was directly in the middle of Maria's territory. I could not afford to cross her, and I doubted very much if Victoria would desire that either. She would avoid Maria like the plague.

I needed to find a place that I could think. A place where I knew my surroundings, and where there were plenty of humans for Victoria to prey upon. I had only my instincts to follow, whether they were truthful to me or not. Tracking was obviously not my forte, so I had to discover a way to deal with the sorrow that now began to seep its way through me since Bella's ghostly appearance. I thought that by focusing on Victoria, I would be able to rid myself of the pain that I felt. But I was wrong. It had only made the suppressed memories ever more vivid. My longing to return to Forks was growing steadily by the moment, and I was faltering in my promise.

"It will be as if I never existed." I repeated out loud to myself, almost as if I were trying to force the words to become fact.

Could I truly keep that promise? I shook my head no, answering my own question. But I had to. I must. But hadn't I left a piece of myself behind for her, buried right underneath the floorboards of her bedroom. Had I really been that naïve to think that I could abandon her completely?

A low rumble started to build in my chest. I should go back to Forks. I should remove the evidence of my existence from her life, burn the pictures so that I could never be found. Why had I left it? WHY. I should go back. It wouldn't take long. I could be in and out of Bella's house without anyone seeing. I could take those bitter reminders of our past and destroy them. I could erase myself thoroughly this time.

"NO." I growled. "No."

If I went back to Forks, it wouldn't be for the pictures. It would be for Bella. I couldn't break another promise. I'd already inflicted too much pain. If I returned to Forks, I would never leave, even if she ordered me away, I would not go. I would stay. I would endanger her life once again. I would be the reason that Bella's death would be premature. I would be the cause of her never ending suffering. Bella was better of without me in her life. She would forget about me, and find happiness with another. As much as that pains me to think about, I cannot give her a normal life. I would be the _end_ of that life.

_Edward… I love you…._

Her voice was as smooth and welcoming as it was fearful. I was getting better at handling the sudden visions of Bella and the melodic chime to her voice, but I couldn't dwell on the fact that I was seemingly going insane. I couldn't stay here when everything within me desired nothing but to be back in her presence. I had to force myself not to think about her, to cast her from my mind for her own well being. I could not be around Bella Swan.

I fought against the agony that raked through my body, clawing its way into my mind with relentless precision, and boarded a plane that would take me out of this country, and out of her life forever.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE: TROUBLED THOUGHTS**

I'd been here before. Not just this city, but this room as well. Some might call it a safe house, but for me it was home… for the time being anyway. Nothing had really changed here. Perhaps the view from the balcony was a little different, but time had left this room untouched. The walls were bare, painted in a mixture of shaded beige with a wide burgundy line carefully etched around the crown molding. I could still see a distant echo of life in this place, the faint outlines of portraits long since removed from these walls. Only a small wooden table remained here now, and it too was caked in an inch thick layer of dust, just like the rest of the apartment.

Though I had nothing to really smile about, I found my lips curling upward at the thought of Esme's reaction to the state of things here in Rio. I remembered the day she and Carlisle purchased this apartment. It was meant to serve as a holding area for us so to speak. A place where we could go to escape the midday sun before departing to Isle Esme. Of course, over the years we grew more adept to scheduling flights that brought us to Rio after the sun had slipped beneath the horizon, subsequently leaving this safe house forgotten to the elements, abandoned. But now this room had purpose once more. It would serve as my refuge from the humans on the busy streets below, and shelter from the blinding heat of the Brazilian sun.

I moved to the balcony that overlooked the lights of the city, running my fingers along the rod iron railings that encapsulated the stone arena. Yes, the view had definitely changed. I used to have a clear view all the way to the ocean, but now monstrous buildings of all shapes and sizes obstructed any chance of that sight. There was a heavy layer of smog that clung to my skin like tar, and although my eyes saw clearly through the haze, it was somehow difficult to grasp the movement down below.

Perhaps it was the constant stream of voices, the endless flow of mindless chatter that the humans so readily expelled. There was nothing of importance to any of their thoughts, but I was so accustomed to listening for signs of Victoria, I couldn't block them out. I didn't want to miss my opportunity. I didn't want to lose the chance that one of the humans had caught a glimpse. I'd know it in an instant if I was paying close enough attention. I had no doubts about that. Victoria's look was unmistakable. No human would ever glance upon her and dismiss her from their mind.

It was in the humans that I now placed my hope.

"What am I doing here?" I whispered into the night breeze.

With an exasperated sigh I withdrew from the balcony, retreating back inside the dark, empty room. There was a feeling in the pit of my stomach that almost had me feigning ill. It had been growing stronger every day since I'd arrived here in Brazil. At first I'd believed it to be nothing more than the physical separation between myself and Bella, but now I wasn't so sure. There was more to it than that.

"Nothing reckless." I uttered to no one in particular. "She promised."

But had she really promised? As clear as my memories were, I couldn't recall her even saying those words. Everything had occurred in a mere blink of an eye. One moment I'd been saying goodbye to Bella, the next I'd found myself on the run. What if these apparitions of Bella were really meant as a warning? What if she was in danger? I couldn't protect her here, and Bella was a pure magnet for danger. I had to go back.

_This is the only way I can see you….._

My head jerked up instantly in response to the sound. There it was, that voice again. _Her _voice. But what did she mean?

I began to pace about the insignificant room, contemplating Bella's words as if she was actually here speaking to me like old times, and I was once again baffled by the way her words never reflected what she was truly thinking. I was again the stranger to her thoughts, and she was laughing at my confusion. My mind drifted to the evening in Port Angeles, before Bella even knew of my dark past.

"Is there something wrong with me?" She'd asked me, with her eyes probing mine in search of answers.

"I tell you I can read minds, and you think there's something wrong with _you_?"

Her cheeks had flushed with a scarlet grace, an unmatched beauty despite her embarrassment. Of course this hadn't been the first time I'd been completely lost in conversation with her. I wasn't used to having to actually concentrate on another human's words, their minds have always been so readily accessible to me. Bella was different though, she was one of a kind. Her soul was completely innocent, and I couldn't bear the thought of her living a life of fear and hardship….of death.

_This is me being human….._

Yes Bella, yes. This is the only way you can be human. Away from me, away from the morbidity that my world has to offer. Be human, Bella. Marry a good man, bear his children, and grow old the way that a human should. Just live your life as it was meant to be lived before I so selfishly invaded it.

My hands suddenly were raking against my skin, slithering their way up my cheeks until they settled for grabbing fistfuls of my hair over and over. "I can't do this."

The growl that inched its way up my throat was something that I hadn't expected. I couldn't watch her with another man. She was _my _Bella. She would always be my Bella. I wouldn't be able to witness her being with another. It wasn't about her blood, or even about her touch. I _needed _Bella. I needed her more than any man has ever needed a woman. When I was with Bella, I felt like anything was possible. That maybe there was hope for my soul after all. I was a fool to think that I would be able to extradite myself. Alice had been right, I had to go back. Victoria or not, I had to go back to Forks.

I turned for the door, and within the same fluid moment, the generic chime of my cell phone bounced off the bland adjacent walls. I gave the caller I.D. a passing glance before sighing heavily, and slowly reached for the talk button. I shouldn't bother to answer her, but I didn't want to face the aftermath that choice would ensure.

"If you're calling to tell me how I've ruined your life again Rosalie, I'm not interested."

"I thought that was already a given." She snapped in reply.

"Just get to the point, Rosalie. I really don't have the patience for this."

Her voice came swift and heavy, with no trace of regret. "Edward, Alice had a vision…a vision of Bella. I don't know how to tell you this but Alice has gone to Forks to help Charlie."

I growled despite the alarm I was desperately trying to suppress "I told her not to interfere in their lives."

"Edward.." Rosalie hesitated for a moment before speaking softer than usual. I could tell she was deliberating, and there was a part of her that believed her words to be comforting. "Bella had an accident. Well I'm not really sure if it was an accident really… she.. She jumped off a cliff. Edward…. Bella's … dead."

The last sound I heard was that of Rosalie's smug little voice fading into the distance as my entire world exploded into an array of madness.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX: ABSENCE OF COLOR**

It couldn't be true. Bella's death was an impossibility. I couldn't allow it to be true. Alice had been wrong before, and she was wrong now. Bella would not take her own life. Rosalie was always trying to get a rise out of me, and this was just her way of getting revenge.

_You'll regret this…._

I couldn't read her mind over the phone. This had to be some sort of cruel practical joke to get me to return to the family. This must have been Rosalie's plan all along. She wanted to make me regret the choice to leave Bella, to force the family's move, and this heartless joke was something I would never forgive her for. Though I held nothing inside me that could cause this reaction, I felt sick. I felt as though I was back in the high school cafeteria, choking up that vile substance I'd eaten in front of Bella just to prove that I could. I had to see this with my own eyes. I had to make sure that Rosalie's words were a lie. But deep down, I believed her.

I found myself on the rain soaked streets of Rio before I could even contemplate taking another breath. The panic that was rising in my chest was preventing any other thought of survival from entering my mind. I was completely consumed with the words which fabricated Bella's death in the most sinister way. I had to know the truth.

Alice was first on my list. I would call Alice and ask her to explain the vision to me, to tell me what exactly it was she saw. Alice's visions are completely subjective, and if she'd seen Bella's death, she would have warned me. But hadn't I told her not to look? The thought swept its way through me like a hurricane. Alice knew this would happen. She _had _warned me.

"Just because you told me not to look, doesn't mean that I don't see."

Those had been her exact words, and I'd so foolishly disregarded them. What if she was trying to spare me the pain? What if Rosalie was right? I had to know. I had to call.

Alice's voicemail picked up immediately. I didn't leave a message.

There was no point to leaving a message for Alice as she always knew what the caller wanted. I dialed again, this time trying to reach Carlisle and Esme. Again I received voicemail. Where was my family? Why weren't they answering? Jasper would be wherever Alice was, so once more I dialed. On the third ring, he answered.

"She's not here." Jasper spoke blankly.

"Jasper….Rosalie…dead….Where's Alice?"

My words just poured out like a stream of incoherent babble. The panic had set in, completely consuming any other sense.

"She's not here." He repeated.

"Damn it Jasper!" I growled into the phone. "Where the hell is Alice?"

Jasper's growl almost equaled my own in strength. "She went to Forks. Against my wishes might I add. I told her not to go. I told her that she was interfering, but she left us all here in Denali, and went to go console Charlie."

Console Charlie. Oh god. No! This cannot be true. His words made the alarm in my empty chest quiver with a sickening echo, and forced my heavy strides to hasten their pace towards the airport.

"I'm going to Forks." I hissed. "Tell Rosalie she got what she wanted."

I hung up the phone, and shoved it into the back pocket of my Abercrombie jeans. Alice was gone, Carlisle and Esme weren't answering, and Rosalie was first on my list to be torn apart limb from limb when I got back to Forks. She was probably reveling in her accomplishment, thoroughly enjoying the pain I would have to endure just for her to return to where she longed to be. But I knew. I knew Rosalie was right. Her words had been spoken with no trace of anger, no hint of sarcasm. She had been….tender. She thought she was helping me.

I shook myself free of the thought, and carried on towards the airport.

I moved quickly through the sea of faces surrounding me, almost too quickly. It didn't matter. All that mattered now was hearing Bella's voice, making sure that she was alive and well. Alice's visions had led her astray in the past, they had to be doing that now. Whether or not I would stay in Forks was an entirely separate issue altogether. One I couldn't even bare to think about at the moment, not while this heinous lie was stabbing me in the chest, unrelenting in its pursuit to destroy me.

But something in me understood this was no lie. I knew from the moment that Rosalie had called, regardless of her intentions, that she had spoke nothing but the truth. I just hadn't wanted to admit that to myself, and I couldn't force my mind to believe it. Yet I did. With every step I took came a realization. Something so profound that not even death itself would ever completely wash away. Bella was gone. My leaving Forks had done nothing to ensure her safety. I had killed her. She was dead.

"NO!" I growled. The sound was so terrifying that it sent a small child darting from behind the market stall, screaming and crying for his mother. I paid him no attention. I was too consumed with uncertainty to even spare him a passing glance. I needed to hear this for myself. I needed some sort of closure.

Then it struck me. Charlie.

I could call Charlie, and confirm this ridiculous notion. No, not confirm. _Deny_. Charlie would deny it, and I could leave Bella in peace. He didn't even have to know it was me. I'd pretended to be Carlisle in the past, I could do it again now.

I reached for my phone, and dialed the one number I'd tried to make myself forget.

"Swan residence"

I didn't recognize the voice, but it didn't stop the fact that my breath seemingly became trapped in my throat, and I couldn't find the right words to answer him.

"Uh…." I fumbled slightly, attempting to alter my voice enough to deceive the person. "This is Doctor Cullen…Carlisle. Can I speak to Chief Swan please."

The voice was instantly void of all emotion, but as he spoke, I began to realize who it was. Jacob Black. What was Jacob doing there? Had things really gotten that bad that Charlie needed _Jacob _to comfort him?

"He's not here."

I could tell this wasn't going to be easy, but I needed more information than that. I needed to hear the truth from Charlie. I needed to know where he was. "Could you tell me where I might find him?"

"He's at the funeral."

Funeral?

Funeral…

F-Funeral.

I stopped dead in my tracks. Rosalie was right. Alice was right. And I had been DEAD wrong. Bella was… my Bella, my sweet Bella…gone.

Gone…

Gone….

My God what have I done?

Jacob was waiting for an answer, but instead I silenced the call and dropped the phone into the garbage can I now found myself clinging to in an effort to support my trembling body. I was entirely void of any emotion on the outside, perfectly composed to the strangers who glanced in my direction. But on the inside there was no man anymore. Not a single trace of humanity rested in my marble casing. I was an empty, vacant shell of a monster. There were no tears that could fall, no heart that could break, and no soul that had any chance of survival. I didn't want to survive. It was my fault that Bella had taken her own life. I had driven her into madness, and it was now my turn to follow.

But this wasn't about guilt. I'd always been burdened with guilt from the moment my eyes fell upon Bella. This was about something more. Bella always made the world look brighter, and as long as she was living, that world would continue to shine through any darkness that threatened to invade it. As long as she was alive, I could survive. But she was gone now. Ripped from the world.

I could not live in a world where Bella did not exist. There was no world without Bella. There was no sun, no air, no life. There was nothing left for me here now. I should never have insisted we leave Forks. I knew that now. Even with all my debating over my fatal decision, I knew that I would return to Forks sooner or later. I could not be away from her. I thought I was doing the right thing for Bella, but it was apparent to me now that I had been the fool. Her life was wasted because of me. I would never see her again, not until I joined her, and even then I wasn't quite sure what would happen to me.

My sorrow burned with such an intense anguish that it made Romeo and Juliet look like a fairytale induced fantasy, rather than the tragic tale of star crossed lovers. There were no words to encompass the raging fire of sadness within me. Even Shakespeare would find difficulty grasping the immense agony that stabbed at every inch of my body.

The world just tumbled away, and darkness began to close in around me. There was an absence of color in the world now. I felt myself being transported back to the grave I had so destructively sculpted after leaving Bella. I couldn't breath, and I gasped out in pain as I fell to my knees on the soaked pavement. I clutched at my chest, trying to rip out my stone heart, caring nothing about who was watching, or observing my chaotic movements. I heard nothing. I saw nothing. I felt nothing but the monster picking away at my insides.

Pick. Pick. Pick. Stab.

Tear it out. Do what you will with me. I deserved the pain. I deserved death. I wanted to die.

My world was gone.

"Bella…" Her name left my lips in such a bone chilling whisper. It was almost as if I was cursed for even mentioning her name, but I couldn't help it. She was everything to me, and now my everything was gone.

It was never my intention to out live Bella, and I wasn't about to start now. I would do whatever it took to ensure that my fate was sealed as Bella's was. My mind began to play out scenarios as it had when James almost took Bella's life. But now I was that monster. After all my efforts, it was by my hand that her life had been extinguished in the end. If I had stayed in Forks, she never would have jumped. If I had stayed in Forks, I could have protected her. If I had stayed in Forks…..

I shook my head to dispel the images of decisions that could never come to pass now. Bella was gone. The only guiding light I had remaining in this world was gone. I knew what I had to do now. I remembered Carlisle's tales of his disappointing attempts at taking his own life. I remembered everything that he once told me about the Volturi. I knew they were my only chance of joining Bella in the afterlife, if there really was an afterlife. I knew without a doubt in my mind that death was the only thing that I had left to give.

And death was what I would receive.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN: TIME IS NOT MY FRIEND**

5,832 miles. That was the span of distance separating me from my ultimate goal.

12 hours, and 7 minutes. That was the length of time _preventing_ me from that goal.

Twelve hours might seem long to the average, mundane humans around me, but all I had left now was time. Time to reflect, time to say my goodbyes, time to sit idle in a first class passenger seat of this Boeing 777 and try to think of my next move. Nothing else mattered but the time. I knew my throat raged with an intense fire unmatched by any vampire in the history of our kind. I knew that Alice would be with Charlie, comforting his every move. I knew that Esme was going to be completely heartbroken as soon as Alice saw my decision to seek an end to my life.. I also knew she would try to stop me. But none of these thoughts mattered to me in the slightest.

I felt nothing.

I _was_ nothing.

My life was consumed in total darkness, orchestrated by malevolent puppeteer who held all the strings. I was just simply the marionette that dangled from his chalky fingertips awaiting my next instruction like some indoctrinate robot. Everything had lost its meaning without Bella. I was just playing the part now. I was just another passenger on this flight, just another ordinary face in the crowd. These humans wouldn't even notice me now. I'd lost the luster to my face, the glow in my eyes, and the charms I once possessed. There was no appeal for them, no reason for them to even look in my direction, except to bear witness to my grief. In fact, they kept their distance.

I wasn't used to the lack of interest around me, but I didn't care. I just went through the motions like they all did, pretending to pay attention to the stewardess as she so methodically explained how my seat cushion could be used as a floatation device.

_Why do I even bother? No one's even looking at me._

Her thoughts were unmistakably loud. Unlike the picture perfect stewardess named Veronica, _I_ was grateful for the avoidance of gawking onlookers. I really didn't care that she seemed put out by the disinterest of those she was supposedly in charge of. I didn't care that her thoughts were now drifting to the balding man in 26A, and how rude he'd been to her about storing his carry on bag. I didn't care about the fact that she was seemingly caught up in an affair with the overbearing copilot who was twice her age. I didn't care about anything except time, and though it was running short, it still felt like an eternity. Any time that separated me from a chance of seeing Bella again, even in death, was vastly becoming my enemy.

The plane took off without a hitch, and soon the lights of Rio faded into the distance, leaving me with the solitary reassurance of the night. The cabin lights were dimmed, and most of the humans fell into a dreamless sleep. Maybe it was the uncomfortable surroundings, or perhaps subconsciously they knew of my gift, either way, their minds lay empty and dormant as they slept. The silence was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it allowed me a chance to think. A curse because I used the opportunity to do just that.

I had to calculate each step very carefully. I had to know exactly what I needed to convey to the Volturi. It was not a simple matter of just walking into their stronghold, and demanding an audience with the Masters. Security would be tightened in the city due to the upcoming Saint Marcus Celebration. That fact alone would make entrance into the castle next to impossible. The bright sun of the Tuscan countryside did nothing to keep the Volturi at bay. They had eyes and ears all over the city, at all hours of the day and night. They'd perfected the art of blending in with the humans, even during daylight hours. They had their own unique way of securing and protecting our secret. No one ever notices what is hidden in plain sight.

I had no doubts that as soon as my presence was known, I would either be executed on the spot, or taken deep under the city to await Aro, Marcus, and Caius. Whichever way the initial meeting swayed, I would receive the sentence I truly wanted, or at least I hoped I would. Yet I understood that the Volturi were civilized, and I also knew that Aro would never order my execution without at least trying to convert me into his so called guard. Aro was a collector, and I was one trophy he would desire above all else. He would know with one touch of my hand that I held no interest in that ideal, but he would try nonetheless. He would try, and he would fail. Yet I knew I needed him. He was the only one that could grant my request to leave this world.

"World." I laughed bitterly under my breath. The man in the seat next to me stirred in his sleep, but quickly began his monotonous snoring regimen once more.

What world? There was no world. Not without her, not without my Bella. I'd wasted everything. Everything we could have been was gone. Everything Bella could have accomplished was gone. There was a heavy burden of guilt laying on my shoulders, but it held no bearing on my choices now. I was never planning on outliving Bella. I would have turned to the Volturi even if she had lived a long and happy life as I had hoped for. Even if it took another hundred years, I would have eventually ended up on this flight. When Bella's light was extinguished, regardless of the timing, I would follow. I just happened to be following a little earlier than I'd planned.

Time was not my friend at the moment. It seemed to drag on endlessly, taking every chance it could just to mock my thoughts. I tried to concentrate on absolutely nothing at all, but my mind kept drifting to Esme, Carlisle, my family, Charlie, Bella…everything. How many lives had I ruined? How many lives _would_ I be ruining? My choice to die was no one else's to make but my own. Carlisle already understood that I would not live without Bella, and by now he was probably consoling a grieving Esme. That thought alone was tearing me into pieces. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting Esme, but would she really want me to wander this earth like a hermit? Like a shell of the boy she used to know? I couldn't be that boy anymore. I couldn't find him. He was lost in a sea of agony and despair, unwilling to return from the depths of hell where he now resided. He deserved the pain, but Esme did not. I had to hold faith in Carlisle. I had to believe that he would do everything in his power to get her through this. I knew that my death would effect him more so than he would ever let on, but his devotion to Esme and our family would remain foremost in his mind.

I laughed again. The sound crept its way around the first class cabin like an unwelcome parasite. None of the sleeping passengers took any notice. Family. _Our _family. They weren't my family anymore. If I allowed them to remain as my family, I would falter in my endeavor. If I allowed myself to think about Esme and her grief, I may lose the will to complete my task. She would come for me, I knew she would, but it would not be enough to save me. Not anymore. Esme was the type of person that would put herself in harms way just to protect someone she loved. She would come to Volterra and attempt to sway my resolve. She would even trade places with me if Aro asked it of her. I had no idea if the Volturi would grant me my request, but I needed to make sure that no one interfered with my choices. I needed to ensure that Esme, and the rest of the family, stayed as far away from me as possible.

My eyes closed of their own accord, and I made a decision right then and there. A decision so resolute that Alice would recognize it instantly and have no choice but relay the information to the rest of the family.

_If anyone comes to Volterra in an attempt to make me change my mind, I will immediately give the Volturi no choice but to kill me on the spot. If I hear one footstep, one solitary thought from anyone in the family, I will force the Volturi to act regardless of if they want to or not. I won't hesitate to speed up the time in which my death will occur, and it _will_ happen one way or another. Any trip to Volterra will be taken in vain as there is not one thing my family can say to me to dissuade me from my purpose. Bella is dead, and you cannot fabricate the truth when it comes to death. Let me die in peace._

I opened my eyes with a new found sense of relief. My mind was made up, and there was nothing anyone could do to persuade me otherwise. I had made my choice.

9 Hours, 33 minutes, and 26 seconds. That was all the time I had left.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT: THE PATRON SAINT MARCUS**

"Non è consentito qui."

His voice was sharp and definitive, but it did not match the tone to his thoughts. He was curious about my arrival here in Volterra. The dawn had yet to break against the lush, green backdrop of the Italian countryside, but it hadn't inhibited any movement on my part.

From the moment I'd stepped off the plane, I'd had one destination in mind. Even in the pre dawn hours, Volterra was decorated in a blanket of red for the impending Saint Marcus Day Parade. How ironic that I would choose this day to end my life. The humans that fluttered about the city awaiting the festivities would never know of the sinister act which was about to take place. The act that would start with the vampire before me.

"Non è consentito qui." He repeated. This time his words held a trace of firm authority that could only belong to a member of the Volturi guard.

In all actuality the name Volturi pertained only to the three Masters, but overtime the rest of the vampire world had come to consider the guard part of that as well. Even if his thoughts had not given away his stature within the guard, the emblem that rested upon the breast of his black cloak would have.

It was the crest of the family Volturi.

I took just a fraction of a moment to assess the vampire before me. His dark blonde hair was neatly kempt, and had a slight curve to the way that it hung just below his ears. Eyes blazing with a crimson red heat were attempting to draw their own conclusions as to who I was, and why I was here. He was smaller than I imagined, much shorter than myself, but he emitted such a commanding presence that it would be foolish to try and cross him. Aro did not choose his guard simply based on their size. If that were the case, he would have never inducted the child like twins into his supposed family. I knew of their gifts, just as the rest of my family did. Carlisle had seen to it that we were all aware of each of Aro's 'children'. I understood the power that this vampire held within him, and why it was he that located me the moment that I had placed a foot upon the castle steps. He knew what I was, just as I knew what he was. He had been tracking me.

"Demetri." My gaze met his instantly.

"Ah, so it is to be English then." The corner of his lips curled upwards, causing an ominous smile to echo in the light of the street lamp beside him. "And how curious that you should know my name, when I have no knowledge of yours."

I flashed him a forced grin. "Edward."

"No last name?"

"Just Edward." I repeated. "E non ho problemi di comprensione Italiano."

His smile widened as he realized I'd understood his dialect, causing the light to reflect off his razor sharp teeth. "Well, Edward with no last name, as I stated upon your arrival, you are not permitted here."

"I seek an audience with your Masters."

"What business do you have with the Volturi?" He asked, stepping closer towards me. I did not budge.

"My business is with your Masters, not with you."

He hissed. The sound was so low that only another of our kind would have the sense to hear it. I leaned in, closing the space between us, sending a responding growl of my own. It was not a challenge, nor a warning. It was a simple need to end my life in whatever capacity I could manage. The worlds first suicidal vampire. I didn't care if it was this Demetri, or even Aro himself, that managed the deed. I only cared about the end result.

"Curious." He grinned, stepping back just an inch, and straightening his posture. "You do not fear me."

"I have nothing left to fear."

"You are wrong about that, Edward with no last name." He turned to the castle doors. "When I return, you will have much to fear."

Without another word he disappeared inside the massive wooden doors that separated me from my ultimate goal. His thoughts were something of a mess, but the one thing that ran constant in his mind was the need to protect his Masters at all costs. I could see that Aro had done a remarkable job of training his cronies.

I began to pace in front of the castle, always mindful of the approaching dawn even in my depressive state. More and more people had started to gather around the square, each of them accompanied by a never ending sea of red. If these unsuspecting humans only knew that their celebration was based off nothing more than an elaborate cover up, a well rehearsed lie, they might not be so jovial in appearance.

The patron Saint Marcus. What a joke. Marcus did nothing to rid the city of vampires. He _was _the vampire, but no one would ever believe him to be anything other than a saint. They certainly wouldn't believe that he still lived within the city itself, and it was by his orders, along with that of Caius and Aro, that the city remained safe from any unprecedented killings. There was no hunting permitted within the walls of Volterra.

Carlisle often referred to Marcus as being the more compassionate of the three Masters, but even Carlisle knew that was solely because of the tragedy Marcus had faced many centuries ago. The loss of his beloved Didyme had turned Marcus into nothing more than a shell. It was something we both held in common.

"Your request has been granted." A low voice echoed from behind me.

I gave the square one final glance before turning towards Demetri, and followed him through the stone corridors of the castle in complete silence. I was one step closer to achieving my death.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE: THE VOLTURI**

The room was larger than I had anticipated, but its purpose was clear in the minds of those surrounding me. The intricate stone details of each individual ornate piece of architecture would have been inspiring to one not seeking death. A small metal grate was placed in the middle of the room, and was no doubt used in a drainage type capacity for an easy clean up or disposal of the humans that were lured here under false pretenses.

To my left stood an overbearing guard named Felix, whose contempt for me almost matched the contempt I held for myself. Demetri was on my right, leading me into the massive room that not only housed the three gold plated thrones of the Masters, but also entertained the guests that would soon become the Volturi's next meal.

Ahead of Demetri stood the twins. Carlisle had been right. Jane and Alec were about as formidable as a new born kitten, but their minds both held a terrible secret. Jane had the ability to inflict pain upon someone, and incapacitate them, with a single smile. She reveled in it, and she was itching to use that power now. Alec's gift was similar to that of his sister, but instead of pain, he brought darkness. His gift removed all senses from his victims, leaving them completely defenseless, and he too was longing to test his gift. However, neither would move without consent from Aro.

Aro was in the middle of the room. His smile stretched so wide that if it were possible to crack a marble statue with a grin such as his, I had no doubts that this specific smile would do the job. He was paler than I'd expected, though there was something off balance about his skin. It seemed to have withered in comparison to that of Carlisle's painting that once adorned the walls of his study back in Forks. Aro's raven hair hung tightly against his shoulders, and when he moved, he seemed to glide upon the air itself. His thoughts were entirely too easy to read in this moment, almost as if he were testing my gift. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of answering his thoughts out loud. Aro was far too consumed with wanting to know every little detail about my life to notice my assessment of his family. He would have his chance momentarily. All it would take was one touch of his chalky hand to know every thought I have ever possessed.

Caius was just behind Aro, settled into his throne like some sort of God on Mount Olympus. His hair was a brilliant shade of white, and neatly cropped above his shoulders, much like that of his brothers. A firm smug appearance was fixated on his chiseled face, and each of his thoughts reflected Aro's almost like a mirror image. He was curious, but there was a harsher edge to his silent words. Caius was the enforcer. It was his job to ensure that the rules were upheld, and sentences carried out. He was the reason the Volturi do not offer second chances.

Marcus was also perched silently on his golden throne, but he looked different than the other two Masters. His face seemed thinner, and more haggard in appearance. It was as if there was no life in his body at all. I could sense his gift for his thoughts were anchored in such a way that it was easier to understand his importance in the coven. Marcus could sense the strength of a relationship, and I had no doubts that the tales Carlisle had spoken of were true. Marcus was nothing but a shell now. He cared not for the trials and tribulations of the heart. He simply existed. I couldn't tell if that was bravery, or if he simply did not have the will to seek death as I did.

Leaning against the empty throne that must belong to Aro, was a woman I did not recognize. I tried to sift through the rafters of my memory in an effort to place the striking woman's face. Her thoughts were completely attuned to Aro, and her eyes followed him at every turn. For a moment I thought that she might be Sulpicia until I remembered Carlisle's instruction on how the wives were represented in the Volturi. The two wives were held in such high regard, that they were never in attendance with outsiders, not unless the Masters had called for their assistance. I tried to focus in on her thoughts, and as I did, I came to realize that she was more of a bodyguard than anything else. Her gift stemmed from her ability to manipulate the people around her, and force them into another direction, almost as if she were repelling another away like opposing magnets. I realized then who she was. Her name was Renata.

The one thing that each of these vampires had in common were the piercing red eyes commonly associated with those who fed on human blood. They were also intrigued with the fact that I was Carlisle's son. My name had registered in Aro's mind the moment that Demetri had told him of my appearance here in Volterra. They were curious as to why I was here, and surprisingly they each held a similar interest in how Carlisle was carrying on with his life. I hadn't realized how much of an impact Carlisle had made during his time with the Volturi.

"Welcome dear Edward." Aro spoke as if we were old friends reunited under a joyous banner of celebration. His voice was entirely compelling, and softer than I thought it would be. His hands clasped together, and he came to a stop in front of me, just as Demetri bowed deeply to his Master. Aro nodded in response, and ushered Demetri over to Felix's side.

"My apologies for coming without an invitation." I answered blankly.

"No son of Carlisle ever needs an invitation." He smiled once more, and I instantly heard the recognition in his mind. He knew of me. Demetri chuckled from the sidelines. "Tell me Edward, how is my old friend Carlisle?"

"He is well."

Aro's laugh echoed throughout the massive chamber. "Splendid! You must send him my regards."

"I do not plan on seeing my father again." I exclaimed, much to his surprise.

"I am saddened to hear that, Edward." He replied. "What is it then that has brought you to Volterra?"

I held out my hand. "Long story short."

I had no patience for the pleasantries that the Volturi were famous for.

Aro lowered his gaze, and took hold of my hand. It was like stone on stone. I'd expected his touch to feel different than that of my own, but it still felt the same to me. Suddenly my mind was filled with every image that flashed through Aro's thoughts. I was seeing my life through his eyes, every detail, every moment, all in a fleeting second. It was actually remarkable, and yet there was an underlying sense of unease as he filtered through the instances of my life.

First came my earliest human memory. I was sitting in the garden with my mother. It was winter, and the snow streaked about her face, making her look like an angel. I was 17. My father had just been taken to the hospital, and my mother was crying. The fever had claimed him, and it would not be long until that sickness killed us all.

The thought shifted to that of my change, the way that Carlisle whispered to me that I had a choice. The burning sensation in every fiber of my being as the venom worked its way through me, followed by my struggles with accepting what I had become. With a flash of time, my gift was now exposed to him, and instantly he smiled. I was a trophy to be collected by him, and he pondered the possibilities that my gift would bring to the Volturi.

I watched, unable to move, as Carlisle brought Esme into our family, and she became my sister for a short while until Carlisle claimed her as his bride. Aro saw the beauty of Esme as another prize to be obtained, but there was an odd sense of respect in his thoughts for his old friend, Carlisle. He lingered on the love that my vampire parents seemed to possess, and I thought I heard a trace of awe pass through his mind.

Memory after memory flooded me with unrelenting force. Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice. One by one their entrances pummeled into me, making the pain all that much worse. I could see what I was giving up, and the agony that this decision would bring to them. I stood helpless as Aro caught glimpses of my life with Bella. A human was aware of our existence, and I could hear the disdain to Aro's thoughts. But something changed then, and Aro began to dwell on the simple fact that my gift did not effect Bella in any fashion, and how I had managed to overcome my battle with thirst. That thirst meant nothing to me now. I had not hunted in weeks, and I didn't want to. My eyes were as dark as the night that now held me in the tightest of embraces.

Aro hissed as the images flashed through his mind. All that blood, all that damage inflicted by myself and James. Every drop of Bella's blood made him more and more agitated until a small laugh escaped his paper thin lips. He was finding comedy in her death, and even more so because he understood my purpose now.

"You wish to join her." He whispered, releasing my hand after he'd had his fill.

I nodded. "I've come for no other reason."

"Such a shame that you wish to end your life for a human. She can do you no more harm now that she is gone, Edward. I would very much like it if you would consider a place here within my family. A gift such as yours is a terrible thing to waste."

Always the collector. I should have expected nothing more. "With all due respect Aro, I must decline."

"What is it the boy wants, Aro." Marcus chided from atop his throne.

Aro didn't turn to look at Marcus, but instead addressed the question while keeping his eyes trained to my own. "Edward seeks an end to his life because a human he loved has died by her own hand, but I do not believe he has given much thought to what he will be losing in return."

I clenched my jaw. Aro was not going to give me what I wanted.

"Then give the boy what it is he seeks." Caius interjected, shifting impatiently in his throne, a slight cocky grin appearing.

Aro raised his hand to silence his brother. "Edward has quite an usual gift brother Caius. It seems he has the ability to read minds."

"As do you, Aro." Caius replied. "We do not need another with that talent."

"Ah but our dear Edward has a rare gift indeed." Aro took a step to his left, turning slightly to smile at Caius. "He can read your thoughts without touch."

A slight hiss echoed around the room, and my eyes immediately veered towards the source. Jane was glaring in my direction. Her mind was overrun with a sudden hatred of myself, and a slight hint of fear. I flashed her a tight smile.

"Jane dear, there is no need for such hostility." Aro softly answered. Jane's demeanor instantly changed.

"Of course Master." She spoke, turning her gaze back towards Aro instead of myself.

"If it is your wish to cease living amongst the mortals, I again offer you a place in my guard." Aro stated. "It would not sit well with my old friend if I destroyed his son."

"Carlisle knows of my wishes." I replied. Carlisle has always known.

Aro sighed. "Then I must ask for some time to deliberate with my brothers. You can wait outside."

He turned away from me, and before I could blink, Felix had a hold on my arm and I was being dragged from the throne room to await my sentence.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN: A CHANGE OF PLANS**

"Don't look so bitter, Cullen." Heidi smiled as she passed by on her way out into the city. "I could always show you a good time."

"I'm sure you could."

My reply was as acidic as the expression that crossed Jane's face while she tapped her foot on the Italian marble flooring in annoyance.

"Stick around Edward. Heidi is always known to bring something tasty home after the parade." Demetri shot her a flirtatious grin.

"He's right you know. Being a member of the guard has its …. Perks." She giggled.

Heidi winked, and quickly skipped past Gianna the receptionist, giving the human a sly glance as she departed the room and traveled out into the city in search of her next group of tourists. Heidi was a hunter, a seductress in the purest form of the word. Even if her tight dress, and knee high boots were not enough to captivate an audience, the purple gleam to her eyes would trap any unsuspecting human before they had a chance to run. That's how the Volturi worked. They kept their city safe by 'ordering in'.

"And how's my favorite human today?" Demetri cooed, propping himself up on Gianna's desk.

She just giggled, and did her best to flirt with the monster that would sooner eat her for desert than actually carry on a decent conversation. I wondered how she could stand it. How could she sit there and not care that she was surrounded with the most dangerous predators known to man. Of course, I already knew my answer. She wanted to be one of them. She was entirely too infatuated with the world of vampires, but they would never hold up their end of the bargain.

"Una donna così bella." Demetri whispered to the human receptionist, touching her cheek like they were long lost lovers. I rolled my eyes and looked away from the scene. He was attempting to woo her, and of course it was going to work. I heard Jane's shrill laughter echo quietly from across the room, followed by the relay of her petty thoughts.

_Such a foolish human…._

How much more of this was I to endure?

"You look displeased, Edward." Alec chimed in, appearing out of thin air at Jane's side. He took her hand and smiled to his sister before taking a seat next to her. "It is customary for a guest to show some gratitude when in another's home."

I clenched my fists. "I am not here to enjoy myself."

"Yes because you choose the cowards way out." Jane hissed.

"Now, now sister, lets not be hasty. Perhaps the Vegetarian has another agenda." Alec turned his smile towards me. "That is the proper term for someone such as yourself, am I correct?"

Jane laughed once again. "Fitting."

"We have come to call ourselves that, yes." I replied curtly.

"Carlisle never was one for our ways." Alec answered. "Though his time here is well remembered by our family."

"Carlisle chose a higher path."

Jane grinned. "Or weaker, depending on how you look at things."

"Does it matter?" I growled in frustration. Why was I even bothering to converse with them?

"Not really. We have respect for Carlisle in ways you cannot imagine." Alec snickered in reply. "He was with us for countless years. However, I am surprised he allowed you to come to us."

"Carlisle does not own me."

"That may be true, but do you honestly believe that he would accept this choice?" Alec dropped his hand from Jane.

"It is not his choice to accept."

"But it is ours." Renata exclaimed as she came into view. "The Masters have summoned you."

I was on my feet before Demetri could pull himself away from Gianna. With a few quick steps, I brushed past the twins, casting them a glance of aggravation. They simply stood and followed behind me into the throne room.

Aro, Marcus and Caius were seated on their thrones once more, only this time Aro did not rise. I followed Renata up to the white, marble steps that separated the enormous room from the elevated area where the Masters sat. Their faces gave nothing away, but I could already tell from their thoughts that Aro was not going to give me what I wanted.

"Why." I growled before he even had a chance to speak.

"I'm afraid your gift is too valuable to waste." He answered me, finally rising from his position, and walking towards me.

I should have known better. Talk about a waste. It had been a complete waste of time to sit there in that room like some kind of rabid dog waiting to be put down, being babysat by twelve year olds. I'd heard a trace of this decision in Aro's mind even before I'd made my request. He wanted me to join his family. He would stop at nothing to achieve what he wanted, and neither would I.

"You know I will do whatever it takes to ensure my death." I spat the words out with complete sincerity.

"Please reconsider this hasty action, Edward." Aro sighed, bringing his hands together almost prayer like in appearance. "If you are unhappy with your lot, you are more than welcome to become a part of my family."

"You'd like that wouldn't you."

Jane hissed in response to my disrespect, but Aro silenced her with another wave of his hand.

"We will not be granting your request. We will not take your life today, Edward. It would be such a pity to lose your services."

I looked Aro straight in the eyes, and spoke with an affirmation that even shocked myself. "One way or another, I will die today."

"Not without cause." Marcus grumbled from behind Aro.

I turned from the Masters without a single word, and marched directly out of the throne room. The last words I heard before the chamber door slammed shut was Aro's displeasure with my choice. "Such a waste."

If the Volturi were not going to end my life right here and now, I would have to find a way to provoke them. Scenarios began to flash through my mind as I calculated each decision and outcome with great reverence. I knew that I would be watched from here on out. There was no doubt about that. The Volturi couldn't risk anything ruining their precious celebration, so whatever I intended on doing needed to be done today.

Hunting was prohibited in Volterra. That was option number one. I could simply take a human life. That would be enough to ensure my death. But what would I be compromising if I went through with that plan? I didn't want to leave this world through an act of evil, so killing an innocent human being was out of the question.

I could go forward with something simple. Perhaps lift a car over my head in view of the humans, and give the Volturi no choice but act swiftly to prevent any chance of exposure. But there was a parade going on, and the plaza would be full of people. There would be no space available for any cars to pass through, so that was not an option either.

I kept walking through the tunnels of the castle as my mind ran through more scenarios. Maybe I could destroy the statue which stood near the epicenter of the festival. I could smash it with my own two hands, and give the humans a show worthy of their false celebration. But what if someone was injured in the process? I couldn't take that risk, so that wouldn't work either.

Jumping off a roof and surviving without a scratch on me might be a good way to provoke the guard. It's not every day that someone survives a massive fall, and lives to tell the tale, but I doubted that would be enough to condemn me. It would have to be something grander than that. Something so outrageous that they would execute me on the spot.

My hand lingered on the door knob that separated me from the outside world, and I had to pause as I was struck with a realization. A small band of sunlight filtered through the stain glass windows of the small door, and as it bounced of my wrist, tiny diamond like sparkles flashed across my skin. I drew my hand back instantly. It was more of an instinctual reaction than anything else, but as I stepped away from the door, I knew I had my answer.

I would expose the secret that the Volturi have keep hidden for thousands of years. I would show the world that vampires still existed in this city, and in doing so, my death would come. All I needed now was the right time of day and the perfect stage to captivate my audience.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: HEAVEN**

Noon.

I was dependant upon time once again. The sun would be at its highest peak at noon, and the plaza would be full of festive onlookers. The Volturi would never let me get far enough to be seen. They were everywhere already. I'd noticed Demetri and Felix hunkered down in the alley way across from the church as I'd passed by using the shadows to guide my route. I was in search of exactly the right location to carry out my plan, and I'd found it. Directly across from the fountain plaza, there was a small alcove that lay nestled under the clock tower which overlooked the city. Its location would provide me with a full view of the celebration, and also the maximum exposure of sunlight.

This was where I now waited.

I waited for nothing and everything all at once. I wasn't entirely certain what was going to happen to me once I crossed into the rays of sunlight that were now mere inches from my own two feet. I could sense the Volturi's presence, but for some reason their minds remained a mystery to me. Perhaps Aro had instructed them to control their thoughts, or maybe I was losing my affinity. Either way, I didn't care. The only thing that mattered was seeing Bella's face once again. I had only that single hope to cling to, and I wasn't prepared to doubt that hope.

I missed Bella. I hadn't seen her image, nor heard her voice, since her death. Some foolish part of me had expected the apparitions to continue making daily appearances, taunting me with the impossibility of her existence. I guess I was a little disappointed that they had not carried on in their persistence. Crazed delusions or not, it still felt as though she was with me when I could see her that way.

Three minutes left.

What does one do with three minutes?

I began to think back through my life, even though it pained me to do so. I had to say goodbye to my family in my own way. They had respected my decision, they had not interfered with my choice, so I owed them at least a remembrance. I knew that they were grieving, even Rosalie. We may have had our differences, but when all that was pushed aside, she was still my sister in every sense of the word. She cared for me, though I doubted she would admit that. And I cared for her. She was the first real sister I have ever known. Esme's short term sibling relationship to myself was nothing in comparison to Rosalie. Rosalie had been meant for me to love, but things don't always turn out as we plan. It didn't mean we were any less a family, or any less bound to protect one another. I would miss her loyalty.

Emmett's laughter came swiftly after. I wondered how he would cope without me to remind him of the consequences to his actions. I couldn't help but smile as I thought back to how often he had badgered Carlisle and Esme into something ridiculous like a trampoline in the living room, or Jello in the swimming pool back in our Rochester home. Emmett had an immense passion for things others would not consider normal, but that was the part of Emmett I loved the most. I would miss his humor.

Jasper and I have not always seen eye to eye, but even through the trials and tribulations of our relationship, he has always shown himself for what he truly is. He is a Southern gentleman who was handed a rough life, and his change into this world was not one that the rest of us were used to understanding. Over time, that changed, and he became as much a part of the family as the rest of us. We had a common understanding between the two of us now, and I would miss his friendship.

Alice was someone who everyone was instantly in love with. Even girls like Jessica and Angela, held some sort of jealousy over Alice and her sense of style. But Alice was more than just a decent shopper, she was a genuinely unique individual with a gift unmatched throughout history. She led a life of turmoil until she found Jasper, and subsequently became my sister alongside Rosalie. Alice didn't really enjoy talking about her past, but since James and his revelations had entered into our lives, she has been coming out her shell a little bit more every day. I never really needed to speak to Alice. Our silent conversations were more than stimulating, but she had a smile that could light a room even if no words were spoken. I would miss that smile.

My thoughts then drifted to my mother. Esme was my mother in every meaning of the word. She knew that she could not replace my human mother, and she never tried to. But she watched over me like I was her own, and even though I disgraced her on more than one occasion, she never ceased to love me. She welcomed me back with open arms after I had so foolishly rejected the choices given to me by both Carlisle and herself. It was as if I had never left, and she made my life worth something again. She taught me the value of love, and if it had not been for Esme, I don't think that my stone heart could have carried that hope of love within it for over a century. She never relented in her faith. She was as kind, honest, and loving as any one person could be. I would miss my mother's grace.

Carlisle was another matter entirely. I had come to revere him as my father, my protector, my guide, my mentor, and my friend. I have never witnessed anyone with the same level of perfection as my father. He did not believe himself to be infallible, but there was no other that could match his wisdom. Carlisle saved my life in more ways than one, and I owed him a debt of gratitude a hundred times over. It was because of Carlisle that I had found the strength to beat down the flames of desire I had so abruptly been plagued with since my change. Carlisle made me want to strive to be a better person, and to make the most of what life I had been given. He respected me so much, that he was leaving me now to face the choice that he could not. I understood my father more than anyone in this world, with the exception of Esme. Although, on some level, I understood him in a little different manner than she. I have been with Carlisle since the conception of our family. I have heard every passing thought he has ever had. I have bared silent witness to his pain, his struggles, his remorse, his regret, and even his unyielding devotion to a belief I could never be sure of. It was only now, at the end, that I thought perhaps my father was right. Maybe there was another life for our kind after all. Something that stretched out beyond this world. Maybe I did have a soul. Maybe not. Regardless of that fact, one thing remained steadfast. Carlisle was the closest thing to a saint this world truly had to offer, and I would miss his compassion the most.

There was one person I had yet to say goodbye to, but she and I would be reunited after the next chime of the clock tower. Or at least that was my hope. I would suffer an eternity of consequences if it meant that I could have my Bella with me once again. Soul, or no soul, there was nothing left here for me now.

I closed my eyes as my shirt fell from my granite shoulders, tumbling across the steps of the alcove, and allowing the wind to carry it into the gathered crowd. Until now the shouts and applause of the patrons that decorated the square were nothing but soft echoes in the air around me, but as my goodbyes came to an end, they became deafening screams of immense joy and bittersweet cheers of happiness. I could not distinguish one from another, nor did I care to. Bella was all that mattered to me. My time in this world had come to a close. There was no fear of what would come next because whether or not my life was extinguished on this day, there could be no greater torment, no greater Hell, than living in a world where Bella did not exist. Whatever penance I would have to pay for my crimes against Bella and humanity itself, would fail in comparison to the agony I had endured over the past twenty four hours.

I was ready for this, and so were the Volturi.

"Bella, my heaven, my heart, I love you…."

With a simple whisper from my own lips, I stepped forward into the Tuscan sunlight.

The rest of my story is history.


End file.
